Scars of Risenholm

Prelude
Bear has finally fallen asleep. I can begin work on this - my memory journal. I think it’s just a good idea, to write down what I remember, don’t you? If, for whatever reason, people do get to read this - I hope it’s illuminating. I hope it’s interesting. I did everything I could to be a good person, despite the falling. Despite everything. So - here we go. Let’s start with the basics...


Let’s start with my name, and what I remember. My name, then, is Tea! And.... I don’t remember much about life before the fall. Life before I Rose, I guess, from the Well. I remember bits and pieces. Hunting people. The Eight Virtues. Falling. I keep falling. Let’s start with that.

It begins with me, standing on a precipice. And then falling forward, towards the ground. It’s rushing towards me - and I just feel happiness. And it’s the most disturbing feeling, to know that you’re about die, that you’re about to splatter yourself on the pavement - and all you can feel is happiness. It haunts me. This feeling that jumping was what I wanted to do, that I would do that and feel such relief. Why? What did I do? What did I cause? Was it on purpose? Did I do it for a reason?

I can’t remember anything but the sensation. The air, the laughter, the pain. The whooshing of the air. And then - I wake up. I always wake up. Why do I keep falling?

I’ll come back to this.

Next - the Virtues. It shocked me that nobody here seemed to know about them. The nice orc - Nergui - and Bear, which isn’t much of a shocker, had no idea what I was talking about. So maybe if I wrote out what I remember being taught, if I wrote out a primer on the Virtues, I could explain them better to other people. It’s the one thing that’s just - there. Hammered into my skull as hard as falling.

There are, in practice, Eight Virtues. The mantra, which I remember to this day, is as follows;

“Speak with the compassion to understand, the Honor to respect, the Honesty to tell the truth, the Valor to do what you must, the Justice to carry what burdens you can, the Sacrifice to know when to lay down what you can, the Spirituality to know the world, and the Humility to understand that you cannot understand everything.”

Is it associated with a god? I don’t remember. Is it associated with anything, beyond my own fragmented memory? I know the broader vision of each Virtue, and I think it’s more of a - code. A way to live. A way to honor and support those around you, and through that virtue, be what the world deserves.

That doesn’t mean I should force it down other people’s throats. Compassion, the first of the virtues, means that I should find it in my heart to understand and care for every aspect that I find in this world. Every way of seeing how things are done, every idea that what they’re doing is right or wrong - it all has merit, from their point of view. If I have the compassion to see what they see, then I can understand that there isn’t a single path.

Then, Honor. That doesn’t mean I can’t be rude to people if I don’t like them; but it means I shouldn’t be mean to be mean. It means I should be honorable, in my own way, and stand up to the bullies and horrors that this world throws at us, for those who cannot. There are plenty of people who don’t fight; simple villagers or farmers. Is it honorable to laugh and stare as they get mauled by the Scarborn? No, of course not. It’s honorable to take a stand, respect that they have the same rights to live as I, and put myself between them. Which leads to Valor.

Valor is knowing that courage to stand up to the risks of putting myself between others and danger. It’s knowing that I can do more than I may want to, and the courage to take that leap step.

Justice is knowing that to follow the right and wrong of a situation, to dish out my valor accordingly, is - well, Just. Is it right that we should all suffer, when there are thousands of threats around us? Or is it Just that a few might venture out and stop them, Just that they might explore and take action, and Just that they might make a stand? However they may? And it’s more - it’s deeper than this, as well. It’s so much deeper. Justice is harder to define than most of the others, because it’s simply - an ideal. What is justice to me is not justice to someone else - and that’s where Compassion comes back to play.

Sacrifice is acknowledging that my own happiness may not always come first. That I may have to lay down my life, my safety, my own happiness, just to defend those that need it. Because - because I can’t just sit on my ass. I can’t just sit aside and watch as people get hurt and die and bleed, just because I was too scared to go out and live my life for them.

Spirituality is looking at the world, and seeing that there is more to it than simply - well. The acknowledgement that the world itself is something.. More. That there’s so much more than what you can see on the surface, and the knowledge that you can learn and appreciate it as you travel through it. Through the acknowledgement of your own and the world’s spirituality, you acknowledge that the world around you is more. More than you could hope.

And finally… Humility. Simple. You do not know everything. You cannot. You are not all powerful. You are not the savior. You’re just a person, but through acknowledging it, through seeing what you are - seeing your humility - you can achieve so much more.

We lived by these virtues. I still live by them. That’s one of the few things I remember, from looking back at my life - and I cling to it. Is it silly? Sure. Is it - ridiculous? Absolutely. But… but I don’t care. Fuck you. It’s my life.

And if I want to follow some old, outdated, half-remembered code of ethics - why would you care? I won’t force it down your throat. I won’t spread it like a cancer - I’ll simply.. Live by it. And through example, through seeing that I can do, maybe I can change the world just a little bit.

I hunted people, before. I don’t remember why. I don’t want to remember why. In fact, so long as I never remember landing, I don’t care.

Bear’s waking up!

Chapter 1
We’ve set up in the ruins of a small cabin, near the cliffs of Risenholm. It’s not far from the Well, and from safety. The walls are still intact, still able to stop the wind. But there’s something missing, here, for how familiar it all feels....


Bear sleeps a lot. I’ve grown accustomed to his company, to his way of doing things. But I don’t feel like I ever had a companion like him before. It’s so foreign, it’s so - strange, to have someone you can actually rely on. And the Power - I don’t understand it, but the way I use it feels so natural.

He’s opening up my eyes to a new light, Bear. I don’t think he realizes it, but I’m striving to be the best I can be just to do right in his eyes. Almost - tempering myself. I remember more about my past life the more I travel with him, and the more I travel with him, the more I realize I never want to go back to that.

It was lonely. Nights alone, daggers under my pillow, in the darkness of a random village. Hated and rejected by my own society for what role I played in it. Even if they saw it as necessary. And I keep falling.

The more I remember the less I question on if I’d done it on purpose or not. I saw the precipice. I must have. Why else would I have been laughing, happy, on my way down? And then two worlds collide, and I wake up.

I try to run from them. The dreams. When I get tired, I push myself out of bed, and go for a quick jog around the village. I run, and I run, and I run, and when I finally can’t run anymore, I crawl back in with Bear and try to pray that I’m too tired to dream. And then, I’m falling. Always, always, always falling.

I need to do something else. I need to help people. To help this world. To do something for them to make up for me. Because I was terrible. I killed people. I ignored the very Virtues that I swore to uphold, because that’s what my job was. Is that any excuse? Luckily, no one here remembers them. No one here remembers anything like that. So I’m safe from them knowing the truth about me and what I am.

Bear can’t understand any of this. I know he watches me, and he worries about me. He thinks I can’t get there on my own, and I know he won’t leave me alone if he can help it. But I’m just trying to do what’s right. In my own way. I want to forget. I want to forget, and to stop falling. And when I do, I can become who this place needs and not a Judicator.

That’s what I was, by the way. A Judicator. I was the one that would respond to the calls of a Fall from Grace, with daggers and stealth, and remove you from existence for your crimes against the realm. The things I saw. The things I only barely remember.

One by one, I saw my home go from an ideal land of virtue and peace, to realizing how much of a facade that was and how much these people just did what they wanted when we weren’t looking. And I can’t blame them. It’s hard to be a decent person. But it tore out my heart, to see the world collapse on itself.

The role of a Judicator was exactly what it sounds like. You’d go out, and deliver Justice to the world. We were guardians. Protectors. I saw men that would turn children into multi-limbed, mindless monstrocities. I killed women that used their power for ill gains. And all I got as a thank-you was an acknowledgement of my existence and accused of breaking the Virtues to do my own job.

I have Bear, now. I haven’t known him long, but I’m attached. He’s my grounding. My sanity. I need to just… keep him in mind. He’ll help. And together, I hope we’ll find a purpose.

I’m going to go for a run, then sleep.

Chapter 2
I had an interesting conversation today, with a nice Well Devotee , Twang and Bear. It left me with a lot to think about. But also a lot to worry about....

It opened up my eyes to a whole new lie. And I spent the night, just after Bear went to bed and I was pretty sure he thought I was sleeping, to go on a walk in the darkness. It’s cold, it’s lonely, but it’s clearing to think when you’re alone. I went near the cliffs (not too near!) and had a good think.

There’s a lot of talk about what is and what isn’t the true ‘self’ in this place. If they’re right, then we’re not who we used to be. And I think that is right. I remember only parts of what happened with my previous life, with falling, with tumbling and twisting and all the horrible things I did. And I remember only parts of the good, as well. Is that on purpose? Did the Well want me to look at these things, to admit that they’re good and true, or to refine them?

I think I’d refine them. The Virtues, for example, I remember clearly being too rigid and closed. And there’s too many to remember. I’d want to shave them down. And my combat, my personal means of attacking things? That’s… got to change. I need to become better. I need to be better than I was.

I stood on the edge of the cliff, staring down at the beach and the waters below - and I thought about what I remembered before. Of the laughing. The happiness. The whooshing of the air. I thought of jumping to relive in. I won’t. I won’t.

If I had to cut the virtues down, if I had to boil them down to what I think is necessary to understand the condition of the Risen, I’d bring it to four. We don’t need all eight. And..

“Speak with the compassion to understand, the Honor to respect, the Honesty to tell the truth, the Valor to do what you must, the Justice to carry what burdens you can, the Sacrifice to know when to lay down what you can, the Spirituality to know the world, and the Humility to understand that you cannot understand everything.”

That’s just too long.

What would I boil down to the base, for what I think we should use on a daily basis? Compassion is the easiest. To understand the world, the people, the way we live around each other - it’s important. We have to believe in each other, after all, and we can only do that through understanding.

Then, I’d pick Honesty. To speak with honest words, to be honest to yourself, to boil down everything you do to be humble and true to what you say. Combining humility in with it, that’s what you need to do, to do real good in the world; to admit to others what they need to hear, without holding back things because you’re afraid. To admit that you are not perfect. Even to yourself.

Valor. You need to have valor, here. The courage to face the horrors of the world, the strength to stand between others and yourself. Justice is rolled in with valor, I feel, refined and allowed the space needed to explain away the courage that it represents. You have to be valorous to admit that you can stand between the horrors, and the people who need you to be there.

Finally, and most importantly, Sacrifice. Is it because I’m just - noble? Or is it because I know that it’s inevitable, in this world, to have to give up something? Memories, magic, body and mind, all are inevitably going to, at some point, be put up on the chopping block. It’s through accepting it and knowing when it’s necessary that we can apply ourselves to be - I don’t know, more thorough in it’s execution. More purposeful. Sacrificing your supplies to give to the new, sacrificing your life to prevent a new scar. Whatever it takes to survive.

Yes. Those four.

I’d adjust the saying, then.

“Show the Compassion to understand, the Honesty to speak truly, the Valor to stand up for that truth, and the Sacrifice to know when to give it all.”

No, that’s… clunky. More refining. That’s fine.

The wind is nice, up here. You know, I’m so small, I almost wonder if it might sweep me up and carry me away, if I jumped. Like a leaf. I won’t.

We’re working on the house, now. I’ve already begun clearing some of the larger plants in my spare time, to make room in it for more supplies. I think we can turn the east side into a fireplace pretty easily, if we build the fire right up against it. Then we can stay warmer at night.

I think after that, we’ll get to work on a roof. I have to find that - Matthew, the architect. I want to learn to build. I will sacrifice (hah!) my free time, just to do some good for this place. In fact - I might go sit in front of the Well and start doing what Nergui does; directing and guiding new people.

I think that could be quite fun.

It might even help me forget falling.

Chapter 3
There’s been a recent gap in the constant raining, and I’ve taken to using it to clear out our ruins. Bear has been helping, in his own way, by hauling the larger things. I think that in time, we’ll have a real place to live, here!

I’m thinking of naming our little cottage after the statue outside. Cottage of Gard. I think that could be cute! Sometimes, I feel like he watches me, when I go for my evening strolls. Guarding me, in his way.

I spent a few hours cleaning off the statue this morning, when I woke up. I’ve been having trouble sleeping lately, you see, ever since thinking about - well, Falling. It’s just always there. Maybe he’ll help guard my dreams, if I clean him up? He’s a rather militant fellow, this statue. I could give him my own story, if I wanted.

Nergui taught me a lot about Shentar today, as well as things about the City. Twang and I also talked a lot. I’ve come to respect them a lot; a great artist, musician, and generally just a fun thinker to be around, Twang.

The gist of the conversation about Shentar is that it’s a belief system in becoming more than just a person. Advancing beyond the normal status of being and achieving perfection in your role, even if just for a second.

I joked around about it - but maybe I should strive to become a Shentar of my own way. I want to help people, build homes, protect the innocent. If I aim my virtues and my self towards the idea of perfecting my vision of becoming more than just Tea, I can help more people. You know, Shentar-as-Halfling isn’t a bad title to try to achieve, anyways! I think it’d get a grin out of Nergui, anyways, and I know Twang would give that silly laugh of theirs.

I’ve been refining my beliefs, while gardening. Twang and I were discussing what we can do, and how I just want to help people. I think that those four that I’ve picked - sacrifice, valor, compassion, and honestly - those four define what I should strive towards. If I ever end up having a family here, our motto would involve those four virtues.

Cottage first. I think that we can find enough refined stone from the ruins of the Tower that the Lantern resides in to fix the majority of the walls, and then it’s just a matter of clearing out the rest of our area. I think we can chop down a few trees (or get someone to help?) to replace the beams that would hold up the roof. Thatching seems like what most people are doing - but I was thinking of doing something simpler. What if we simply made a wooden roof, stuck dirt on it, and grew grass on top?

I’d have to run it past Bear, he’s better with such things than me, but I think it’d be more insulating - and if we build the roof flat, we could double it as a vegetable garden on the roof. Maybe?

Just the short entry, for today. I question if we should be building so close to the cliffs. But.. I don’t know. I kind of like being near them. They call to me, sometimes. Maybe I’m just hearing things, but I swear I hear them calling to me. Just to - stand near the edge.

I need to stop dreaming of falling.

Twang drew a lovely picture of a sleeping god. I forgot to mention them; hammered into the ground under great stone nails, imprisoned for things that I don’t understand. The ultimate sacrifice, to give your freedom away to stay asleep and powerless for eternity.

I wonder if they can be reborn as one of us. Or if there’s an avatar of one of them, walking around. Is that so foreign a concept? I think it’s terrifying.

Well.. short entry. Back to work!

Chapter 4
The time is coming up. I’ve got to prepare my oath, and make sure I refine it to what I want it to be. This could define everything about what I am, who I am, and where I am for - I don’t know, a long time. And that means I need to really think about it...

I’m going to be drinking from the well-water, and becoming someone else. Not just someone else, though; myself. I’m throwing aside the Tea that used to exist, and in her place, in the place of that monstrous woman who hunted and killed people in the name of a Justice I don’t believe in, I’ll be raising up someone who I know is me.

I talked with Camiril and Twang about it all morning, and into the afternoon. There were plenty of other conversations - talks about morality, about the religions of the Risen, about everything and nothing. But it all, for me, boiled down to one simple thing; who and what I want to be. And who my Self will be.

Between learning about orbs from Nergui and spending time with Bear, I haven’t had a chance to sit down and express my thoughts until now. But - now I can. Now I can sit, and think, and put these things to good use. All this knowledge.

So let me write.

I sit here, on the edge of the cliff, feeling the wind blowing up and caressing me. I can remember falling. I can remember what it felt like to be free. I can remember the lifting of my burdens, as I plummeted to the ground. But I can also remember something else, the further I dig. That guilt. That knowledge, buried under it all, that what I was doing was wrong. What I was doing, who I was, why I was, was all completely and totally incorrect.

I have to correct that. And through my understanding of the four virtues, of the four that I have chosen to pick and reflect upon, I want to become the Shentar of my own faith. To become the shield of the innocent. I don’t want to lead. I don’t want to command, or to even speak up; but I want to stand between those who cannot fight and the dangers of this world. And I know that it will result in me being hurt, in me being put in inexcusable dangers for others. I know that, in a previous life, I would have seen this as a naive folly.

But I am honest with myself. I know that I cannot leap upon every blade, that I cannot jump between every danger. I know that to set myself up to do so would be to fall, to fall and to hurt and to end up with less than I started. And I plan to never fall. So this is my oath, journal. This is where I make my stand.

I vow that, after I drink the water of the Well, that I will stand for it and for all that it represents. That I will protect the Well, the Risen, and the peoples of this world with all that I can, for all the might that was gifted to me from the Well must be for this purpose. I will use my compassion and my understanding of the people around me to better help them, and to guide my valorous blade as I push forward to fight back the evils that have spread across the land. I will use the honesty that I have learned to not fool anyone, not even myself, as to my own intentions; and I will know when, and where, I am to sacrifice what I must to make what good I can in this world.

We are here to do something, journal. To rebuild, to repopulate, to rebalance; I don’t know. But I intend to find out, and when I do, I will put forth all my energies and all my power into it. I will fear no evil, I will allow no man to stop me, as I push forward.

I will work alongside Nergui and Camiril, to spread the faith of the Well and the grand Purpose that it perpetuates, to defend Risenholm and its peoples. This is my new home. This is my new purpose. I will build my home, and in doing so, learn to build homes for others.

I will become the Shentar of my Virtues, bettering myself and the community in doing so. I will look for Aer in all that I do, knowing that there is more to what I see than what I might first behold. I will listen and thank the Sleeping Gods, for they gave all so that we might exist. And I will do so happily, for it is my duty - my privilege - to live again, and to strive to be what I can for these people.

I hope this counts. I hope that my devotion to this cause, that my ideals in these Virtues, is enough to satiate whatever the Well might desire. I stand firm in my beliefs, and through this oath, I hope to find solitude and peace. I hope I never have to reach for the power of my emotions again - and instead, feed off the sheer willpower of my cause. May it fuel and feed my Powers to do what we need for this realm!

Compassion. Valor. Honesty. Sacrifice.

Compassion to recognize the suffering in others.

Valor to stand up to injustice and evil.

Honesty to speak, and acknowledge, the truth.

Sacrifice, to give it all for the purpose of the Well.

I’m very giddy, writing this. Perhaps I am being naive. Perhaps, this world will throw me down and scatter me to the rocks below. But I know that despite that, despite what it might throw, despite what it might try, I must at least attempt. I must at least push forward and stand my ground, against it. I am not a coward! I don’t fear the fall, I laugh at it! I welcome it, so that I might learn from my landing.

The road is long, and the path dark; but I know that we can find our way out of it. That we can forge our destinies, and set this town back on the path to prosperity. And with the town, the world.